1990 Silicon Dreams Games and Movie Reviews: What's Your Number: Why Some Actors Can Never Escape Parody

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

What's Your Number: Why Some Actors Can Never Escape Parody

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What's Your Number is a 2011 chick-flick about a girl who's found out that the national statistic is for women to have slept with twenty guys, before their chances of getting married severely drop. Still reading? Good. The girl in question is the blond chick from Scary Movie 2. Since she's already went through twenty, she naturally freaks out and goes on a spree to test all her former lovers to see if one of them is good enough to marry her. Women logic and hilarity ensues. 

I didn't have a lot of expectations when I started this up, so I didn't get too disappointed, mind you, I got a good half hour of sleep near the end of the movie. But for the sake of contrast, it deserves a review, if for nothing else but to remind of what's good about the 90s classics that are generally the topic of the blog.

So here goes: Women do women stuff, talk about women stuff and hot naked guys (quoted - my female friend who suggested watching it in the first place) pop up every now and again to fill the pot holes in the script. Our blond is frantically, though cheerfully scouring to find her future husband among a band of grossly unattractive former lays. Why a woman in her twenties needs to marry ASAP to the point of settling for any dork out there is beyond me. Logic though has no part in this movie.

Along her journey she enlists the help of 'hot naked guy', who lives next door and who's also a player of Charlie Sheen-ian proportions, minus the drugs and ageing problems. He's a detective or a journalist or some such, but given that she's made a habit of confiding in him, whenever he comes out of his door wearing nothing but a rather small-ish hand towel, he offers to help her find all the guys she's slept with by means of Google. What follows is one of the most hilarious misrepresentations of how the Internet works, since instead of a metric crap-ton of fake personal info registers she actually finds what she needs.

So one of the guys is married, another one is not successful enough another one has some other sort of issues, whatever. Near the end she falls for a guy who's supposedly got it all - the money the charms, the build, and since her overly-controlling mother is thrilled with her choice, the better part of us can tell that she's not gonna marry him. She gets with 'hot naked guy' instead and the movie promptly rolls to an end.

About an hour and a half into the movie, we find out that blond girl lost her virginity to the tall guy from Lonely Island. <Front and Centre on the Banner Pic> This generally constitutes the crowning moment of awesome for this movie. The blond is cute and quirky as we remember her from the Scary Movie series. And that's about it. To quote Family Guy in that episode where they all get sent to Purgatory "This isn't bad, it's not that good, but it's not that bad..." 


  1. Girls who've done it with 20 guys? I've never met a woman who has slept around so much that ends up in a successful relationship!

  2. That is ridiculous, people are stupid. If you don't find the right person it will only end up in divorce.

  3. HAHAHA! Sounds pretty funny actually.


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